Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Randomize
