i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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