I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
