A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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