The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
