your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
