i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize