just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
