I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Can I color on your dick again?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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