hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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