it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
