sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
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