Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
