My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I need to stop coming to work sober
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
