I'm eating all of the evidence.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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