I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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