Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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