everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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