Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
