you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
