Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize