I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
