I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
