i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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