my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
