He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i will never coherently bang her
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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