well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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