I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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