It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I can text with my tongue
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
