I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
