So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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