I think i peed on brittanys purse
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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