Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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