I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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