just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
