Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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