i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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