If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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