this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
