It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
