this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My liver just had a heart attack.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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