he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
