I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize