So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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