How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
