CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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