i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
