We're like a lot better than the average bears
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the day after is always just damage control
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Dear god my vagina.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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