Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Come share oat with me in your robe
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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