just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize