Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
