Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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