my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
