Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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