I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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