Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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