i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
