Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
