So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
