I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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