Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
