what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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