I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
