I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
