You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
