yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
