Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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