Got a toothbrush?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
