Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
