That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
