I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
