Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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