Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize