If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
