He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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