The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
