Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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