I need help removing her.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize