Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I didn't notice because vodka
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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