Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
