You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
