So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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