I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize