he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
