hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
