No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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