it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
