Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
