But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I have aggressive nipples.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
