I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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