Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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