She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
