woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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