VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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