nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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