to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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