Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
