Do you still have your period?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
